After three hours sleep on Wednesday night, I drove to Newton, Massachusetts to pick up a Bassett hound for a friend of mine and then I took the slobbering creature back to Connecticut.

You really had to see this guy to believe him. He left a pool of slime in the passenger seat of my truck and howled like a coyote with dysentery. He looked like Walter Matheu and smelled like rotten mangos.

Illustration by Chuck Lockhart

The journey gave me a chance to listen to some Boston talk radio for part of the trip. I have to admit, it was pretty entertaining.

Once I passed the Mass line, I started getting the finger from every 6th car. Cars honked at me. One guy tossed a can at me. An elderly blue-haired lady at a rest stop told me to “shove it.”

This is all because my truck is a rolling tribute to the pinstripes. Maybe it’s the 1918 bumper sticker. Maybe it’s the Yankee license plate bracket, or maybe it’s the “Father knows best” sign and picture of Jon Lieber that I affixed this morning to the passenger side door. I am not sure.

But I do know this: Red Sox nation was not in a very good mood Thursday after falling down 2-0 to their arch rivals.

I picked up the Boston stations on my radio as I approached the Mass Pike. (My spiritual advisors tell me not to give any call letters, but most of you know them anyway.) Being privy to the inner workings of the cerebral cortex of Red Sox nation gave me some true insight into their psychotic distress.

One caller, I think he said his name was “Skunk” or “Slink,” said that the first two games were fixed—not by the umpires or players—but from major league baseball!

This guy mentioned how MLB and the FOX favor the Yankees! His logic was as follows: The Sox bats were hot down the stretch and therefore they could not possibly be dormant now, so how could they have gone into the 7th inning of the first two games without a run?

Somehow, MLB was responsible for this because they want the Yanks to win? So what exactly is this caller saying? That the Sox are on the take?

Wow. I turned to the dog and said: How about giving credit to Lieber and Mussina? How about getting on Damon and Bellhorn for being 1 for 16 with no walks? These are the table setters for Manny Ortiz? Damon and Bellhorn haven’t shown up yet. And how can you have a guy who struck out 177 times this year in 138 games batting 2nd?

The dog spewed yellow froth on my notebook and scratched himself.

Felix from Gloucester (funny, it didn’t sound like the Run Fairy), had an interesting observation: The Yankees suck.

I pulled over quickly to write that one down on a piece of paper. It was so original, so witty, so urbane.

One of the more popular topics was Pedro’s press conference. Opinions varied but most people thought Pedro was regal, honest, and sincere.

I found his press conference to be incredibly entertaining. Pedro is a smart guy. No question. But I thought it was his pitch to George to come to the Bronx in 2005. Most of what Pedro says is calculated. But I couldn’t help but notice that CNN is reporting that Mango futures are up over 15 points this morning.

Personally I hope that Pedro stays with the Red Sox. We need those guaranteed wins.

There was much angst over the airwaves about the Schilling injury. During a commercial break I went over in my mind the list of torturous injuries that the Sox have suffered going into postseason play. Here’s the short list:

The 1946 Olde Town team was on its way to its first title in 28 years. They were primed. Then Teddy Ballgame hurt his elbow in some meaningless exhibition game toward the end of the season and poof…..He hits .200, 5 for 25, with all 5 hits being singles in the series against the Cards. Pesky held the ball for a split second. Slaughter steamed around 3rd and scored.

The Sox lost the series.

In 1967, 22-year-old hometown hero Tony Conigliaro became the youngest person in baseball history to hit 100 home runs. It was the year of the Impossible Dream. But on August 18, 1967, Jack Hamilton snuffed out one of baseball’s most promising careers with a hideous beanball to Tony’s left eye.

The Sox lost the series.

In 1975, The Red Sox were very, very good. It was the magical year when Lynn and Rice emerged as the Gold Dust twins. But Jim Rice got hurt and couldn’t play against the Reds.

The Sox lost the series.

In 1986, some guy with a bum knee was playing first.

The Sox lost the series.

Now about that bad ankle—Schilling was brought in to beat the Yankees. Beating the Yanks is the sole purpose of existence for Red Sox nation. (Full documented proper name: Provincial whining narcissistic chronic complainer’s nation.)

But Schilling was only going to pitch one more game, even if he were healthy. So at this point, assuming that he is finished for the series, his loss is not really a big factor. The real problem for Red Sox nation is that their poster child is gone. What Schilling represents is the idea of beating the Yankees. Schilling was supposed to be the avenging white knight swinging the sword of redemption across Red Sox nation.

Now the white knight is on the bench, unable to shut up a single one of the 55,000 people he aspired to silence.

This I firmly believe: If Schilling signed with the Yankees over the winter, and A-rod went to the Sox as originally planned, then somehow, someway, Schilling would not have torn his right ankle tenon on the eve of the ALCS. Somehow, someway, it would have been Alex who came up lame.

And the beat goes on.

After a quick fix of Pink Floyd, I turned sports radio back on. One station was trying to develop new and original chants to antagonize Kevin Brown in game #3.

Memo to Red Sox Nation: We don’t like Brown either. But to those who think he isn’t pitching well, here are the facts: He has given up 2 runs in 12+ innings in his last two starts. I hope he continues to pitch that poorly.

I counted three people who vowed never to watch another Red Sox game if they lost this series.

I heard two guys say that being down 2-0 is not a problem.

One guy said he was going to put his head inside his wood burning stove if they lost Game #3.

The stations faded out as I got closer to Connecticut. I left the Boston faithful to sit under their mango trees to ponder their future.

Then the dog finally fell asleep. I took that as a good omen.



Phil Allard is a freelance writer and a member of the NYYFANS community. You can reach him at hardrain@optonline.net

 

Phil is a staff writer for NYYFans.com, and he writes a weekly column for the website of WCBS News Radio 88, the home of the Yankees. You can reach him at PhilAllard27(at)hotmail.com.